Bloom Baby, Bloom
Spring has showed up in full tilt these last couple of days for me. I've just returned from a two-week intensive residency for school in New England, and when I arrived back in Montana this past weekend, I noticed that winter is officially behind us, here in the valley. The birds are starting to sing, the trees are beginning to shake those cold winter months off their limbs and stretch a little closer to the sun, and the rivers and creeks are rising by the day! What I find to be the most sincere phase of the changing of seasons, though, is the (sometimes, raw!) awakening of my own personal growth.
This residency was an absolute transformative experience for me. I was able to clarify some wonderings that I had been having with my work and was able to envelop myself with so many supportive, like-minded folks. I showed up as my content, winter-weathered, groggy self, and by the time I had left this community, it was as if I had hooked myself up to an IV of "vitamin L", awake, and ready to rock and roll.
There's a funny edge to experiences like this, though.
You have to come home, afterwards.
Realistically, coming home is perhaps to most crucial part of our personal growth. What would these deeply concentrated experiences, journeys, and crossings be without the abrupt actuality of coming home afterward? I think Nelson Mandela said it best, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
Altered I had. Like the muscles in our bodies, I was starting to feel the tear and repair that happens with growth. This feeling is heavy, but in order to stay on your path you have to except the changes of yourself, including letting these feelings flood through you.
Move with your breath.
If you're resonating with this sensation of change and feeling something a little bit bigger than yourself working it's magic this season: listen to it, and love it up. Your childhood pediatricians' motivational poster was right: "Every flower must grow through dirt."
For me, "coming home" usually looks a little something like this:
Without warning, a series of small, rapid events happen in a few short days, usually knocking me on my rear for a bit. I look around, stunned, wondering what had just hit me. My first reaction, always, is to take it personally. Cry, and protect my old Self. Then I stop. Take a great big inhale, and sigh out the junk. The clutter and chatter in my mind that's blocking me from seeing the bigger picture. After a few days of working through this: feeling, processing, moving, discussing, releasing... I am finally spit out on the other side with this dusty gift of redirection.
Now this part is important. This redirection is BIG, mamas. You may see it as a small silver lining at first glance, but hang around it for a bit. Let it teach you something. Open yourself up to new opportunities that might arise, maybe read your horoscope if you're feeling crazy, and most importantly keep moving forward.
Similarly, if you're feeling like you're "in the dirt" right now, keep working toward those big goals, by breaking them up into smaller bite-sized pieces. Stay vigilant and take extra good care of yourself. Say yes to opportunities that will support you, and no to those people, hobbies, jobs, parties, places, whatever it is, that are trying to hold you back, keeping you from shining. Your breakthrough is coming.
Change can be fucking grueling.
It's choppy. It's loud, and if you let it, it can air it's dark side. But simply not acting out of fear can be all of these things, too. And if you ask me, inaction has far less in the rewards department.
Change requires trust, mindfulness, and honest introspection. The only way to let the beauty of change surface through these growing times is by being true to you. So, whatever questions you have, ask them! Dig deep. Quiet that inner Voice, set aside the ego, and observe. How are you feeling? What are you feeling? No feeling is too big or small. Listen to it. What is it that you're craving? What is it that would make you feel whole and really alive? These are the questions that are going to get you from feeling scared of leaving your comforts, to excited and looking ahead at what's to come. Are you ready to push through that comfort zone?
As I continue my academic journey down the path of integrative nutrition, women's health and the positive impacts of female community, somatic therapy, and these active awakenings, I will continue this conversation here on my blog.
Please don't hesitate to share experiences or tips that have helped you through a period of change in your life, by commenting below. We all change, and it doesn't have to be scary.
In health and happiness,